Some recent experiences have gone against this theory:
1. Several males here in Washington Seminar have dating age minimums or maximums they will not break. One of my friends will not date someone younger than 20- even if she is perfect for him. One of my friends will not date anyone older than him. Not one day. Clearly, age means something to these guys.
2. People thought I was older than twenty. Most people in my program were under the impression that I was 23 or 24. They found out was not 21 when we decided we were going to a club and I told everyone I was not yet 21. Everyone reacted with shock and surprise. One of my friends kept saying over and over "I can't believe you are 20. I can't believe you are 20." Again, age seems to indicate something to them.
age doesn't matter in the animal kingdom, why in the human world?
4. Some of guy friends are really self conscious about their ages. The mission often makes men older than woman who are in the same grade. Some of them are really nervous about how much older they are then me. Often we will have conversations about what was cool when we were in middle school and one of them will say "That was cool when you were in middle school? I was a senior in high school." And then will get really embarrassed and not want to talk about it anymore.
If age really ain't nothing but a number, as Aaliyah would have us believe, why should any of this matter? It doesn't matter if I am 20 if you didn't notice. What does it matter if I am 20? The clubs care, but should anyone else?
Does me being 20 turn me into one of these small children automatically?Apparently, age means something other than a number for some people.
But for me, as always, I will follow the wise words of a popular song from middle school.
I think that being 20 nearly turns you into one of those small children automatically, because the girl to your left is almost your height. You're almost 21 though, right?
ReplyDeleteOkay, I feel bad about my earlier comment, so I'm going to take this seriously and write a real response.
ReplyDelete"Age" is a quantity that denotes the length of time that one has lived. It is measured regularly--365 days after one is born, one becomes "one," 365 days later, one becomes "two," etc. "Maturity" is a different concept. Maturity is the process of discovering, internalizing, and applying knowledge about life. Maturity is not measured regularly--its development can be quick, slow, anywhere in between, or can be truncated entirely. Age is only related to maturity in a general way. Two boys with nothing in common but the same birth date and year will have different levels of maturity. These levels may be similar, but they are not the same. In most cases, one matures as one ages, but the maturity level of a person cannot be determined by an appeal to age alone. It might give a general idea of a person's maturity (a college senior is generally more mature than a high school senior), but gives no precise information.
When a guy says that he doesn't want to date any girls younger than 20 years old (using this age as an example), what he means is that most girls under the age of 20 have not yet reached the minimum level of maturity that he is looking for. He bases this judgment on personal experience. He may have had a girlfriend that was younger than 20 whose maturity level impeded a more serious relationship, or perhaps he has been on dates with several girls younger than 20 and found that they were not to his liking. Even if these ideas are useful at times, they are only generalizations. If a guy who said this met a girl that he really liked, whose only negative point was that she was under/over his "age limit," he would ditch his policy immediately in favor of the joy that was set before him. Any rational person would.
Adhering to a personal policy such as "I will not date any girl, ever, if she is more/less than X years old--even if she is perfect for me" shows that a conceptual union between "age" and "maturity" has been created. In the mind of a guy who holds to a policy like this, there is no difference between the concepts of "age" and "maturity." They have become one and the same. To him, every girl who is below 20 could not possibly be mature enough for him, or have the qualities that he is seeking; any girl that is older than he could not, either. The first mistake is combining the concepts of "age" and "maturity" into one. This cannot be done because they are totally separate. They have different bases and develop differently. This is an epistemological error, but it leads to an ethical error that ultimately presents the danger. Rigidly following one of these rules, even when breaking it would be in one's best interest, is an instance of duty ethics. Duty ethics gives precedence to the maxim, rather than the value, resulting in strict and constant obedience to a rule that may harm one instead of being a means to one's happiness. Here, duty (the age policy) ignores the fact that there may actually be someone from outside the age range that one could be with. Even if one were presented with the evidence that the maxim is unfounded--if she's "perfect for him"--duty requires that one give up the value in order to obey. The ethical mistake is giving up a value for a non-value, but the foundation of the problem is creating an epistemological equivalence where it is impossible to do so.
This is a defense of the view that it is irrational to hold strict, unwavering age policies regarding dating. I have always thought that it would be hot to date an older girl.
Perdóname, Alicia, no te quise herir con mi comentario. I really like the zoo picture.
Wow.
ReplyDeleteThat was very interesting and insightful. But you only answered one point: the dating aspect of age.
I had other points. What about how people treated me differently after they found out about my age; they already knew my maturity level, so they were not responding to that. They literally changed some of their behavior because of a number. Why?
What about the point about older people being self-conscious about their age. If age only indicates maturity, why would they care if they were seen as really mature?
Answer me those...
Fine, I will. Give me a bit though.
ReplyDeleteI agree that people confuse age and maturity. They also confuse age with youthful attitude. Since I married later (for LDS women), when teenagers saw me with my young children they assumed that I was young. When they found out that I was older than they thought, they treated me differently -- I became not as "cool" because I was now older than they thought I was, even though they already knew me and knew whether I was "cool" or not! So, even when people know you, they sometimes change their opinion of you when they find out your age.
ReplyDeleteI have never been someone who lied about my age. But when I was in college and was "young" for my school grade (like you, Alicia)people would treat me differently when they found out how young I was. And now that I am older (but am sometimes told I look younger than I am) people treat me differently when they find out how OLD I am. They don't, however, treat me like I am more MATURE, just more decrepit and old somehow?!!
So, clear the numerical age DOES matter to some people, for some odd reason.
This is really a fascinating post, Alicia!
I’m not exactly sure why they changed their actions when they found out you were only 20. It is unusual. You were the same person before and after they found out, but they started treating you differently. The only thing that I can think of is that there is a certain age group of girls that they feel they need to watch out for, regardless of maturity. They might be thinking, “Okay, she might be on this maturity level, but she’s still 20, so I need to treat her differently.” This is one possible explanation but I’m not very satisfied with it. This is a question that is more psychological than then one I answered before. Last week we talked on the phone about how some guys feel they need to put themselves in a position of superiority when they relate to girls; the change in behavior because of your age could be related to that. The simplest explanation, and probably the best (according to Ockham), is that they care about you, so they wanted to watch out for you.
ReplyDeleteYour second question, about age and maturity and how people become self-conscious when they’re a little older, is one that I’ve experienced recently as I’ve gone to institute. Even though I’m only 22, I’m one of the oldest people that go. When I go, I feel like I’ve entered a social group that I can’t really relate to. My age certainly indicates maturity, but it sets me apart in other ways. I don’t think that there is a correlation between maturity level and interests, but there does seem to be a correlation between age (numerical) and interests. For example, last year I felt like I could relate to you and all your roommates, and I was less than a year older than some of you. On the other hand, in the former Arch House lived girls that were two or three years older than I, and it obviously wasn’t the same. Maturity level isn’t indicated by age, by stage of life often is (especially at college, since the progression is so regular). You just grow out of things and grow into new things as time passes, and there are situations in which acting a certain way would be inappropriate because of age, even though maturity level might not be an issue. An example of this happened to me last Friday. I went somewhere in the morning, and as I was driving past the junior high, I saw the high school drill team practicing for the routine that they were going to perform in the July 4th parade. As I approached them, I realized that, because of my age, I have reached the point where it really isn’t appropriate for me to check them out. The oldest ones are 17, and I’m almost 23. This has nothing to do with maturity level—I’m just too old to look at teenagers in that way, even if it’s just a glance. So there are certain stages of life that one experiences with age, irrespective of maturity level. I don’t feel self-conscious about my age when I’m around people that are the same age because we’re generally at the same stage of life. When I’m around younger people, I do feel something different, because the age difference makes it difficult to relate. This is a thought, anyway. I suspect that reasons for feeling uncomfortable because of age (speaking of returned missionaries) would vary from person to person.